"I'm Tired"

H/T  drillanwr/Dollard.

Courtesy of Black Five.


by Robert A. Hall

I’ll be 63 soon. Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce, and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I’ve worked, hard, since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven’t called in sick in seven or eight years.

I make a good salary, but I didn’t inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there’s no retirement in sight, and I’m tired. Very tired.

I’m tired of being told that I have to “spread the wealth around” to people who don’t have my work ethic. I’m tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy or stupid to earn it.

I’m tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to “keep people in their homes.” Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I’m willing to help. But if they bought McMansions at three times the price of our paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the left-wing Congress-critters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them-with their own money.

I’m tired of being told how bad America is by left-wing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros, and Hollywood entertainers who live in luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if they get their way, the United States will have the religious freedom and women’s rights of Saudi Arabia , the economy of Zimbabwe, the freedom of the press of China , the crime, and violence of Mexico, the tolerance for Gay people of Iran , and the freedom of speech of Venezuela . Won’t multiculturalism be beautiful?

I’m tired of being told that Islam is a “Religion of Peace,” when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family “honor;” of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren’t “believers;” of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for “adultery;” of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur’an and Shari’a law tells them to.

I believe “a man should be judged by the content of his character, not by the color of his skin.” I’m tired of being told that “race doesn’t matter” in the post-racial world of President Obama, when it’s all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of US Senators from Illinois. I think it’s very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the emancipation proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less in an all-knowing government.

I’m tired of a news media that thinks Bush’s fundraising and inaugural expenses were obscene, but that think Obama’s, at triple the cost, were wonderful. That thinks Bush exercising daily was a waste of presidential time, but Obama exercising is a great example for the public to control weight and stress, that picked over every line of Bush’s military records, but never demanded that Kerry release his, that slammed Palin with two years as governor for being too inexperienced for VP, but touted Obama with three years as senator as potentially the best president ever. Wonder why people are dropping their subscriptions or switching to Fox News? Get a clue. I didn’t vote for Bush in 2000, but the media and Kerry drove me to his camp in 2004.

I’m tired of being told that out of “tolerance for other cultures” we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America, while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue, or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance.

I’m tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore’s, and if you’re greener than Gore, you’re green enough.

I’m tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don’t think Gay people choose to be Gay, but I damn sure think druggies chose to take drugs. And I’m tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak when I tell them I never tried marijuana.

I’m tired of illegal aliens being called “undocumented workers,” especially the ones who aren’t working, but are living on welfare or crime. What’s next? Calling drug dealers, Undocumented Pharmacists”? And, no, I’m not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic and it’s been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I’m willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person, who can speak English, doesn’t have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military. Those are the citizens we need.

I’m tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people then themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years-and still are? Not even close. So here’s the deal. I’ll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we’ll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear.

I’m tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers-bums are bipartisan. And I’m tired of people telling me we need bipartisanship. I live in Illinois , where the “Illinois Combine” of Democrats and Republicans has worked together harmoniously to loot the public for years. And I notice that the tax cheats in Obama’s cabinet are bipartisan as well.

I’m tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers, and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I’m tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.

Speaking of poor, I’m tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TV s and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn’t have that in 1970, but we didn’t know we were “poor.” The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing.

I’m real tired of people who don’t take responsibility for their lives and actions. I’m tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination, or big-whatever for their problems.

Yes, I’m damn tired. But I’m also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I’m not going to get to see the world these people are making. I’m just sorry for my granddaughter.

Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.

Roman General Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: From A Combat Veteran's Perspective

 Foreword from Dean;

Thanks to a post at Miss Beth's Victory Dance I followed a link to PTSD, A Soldiers Perspective and read what I consider to be required reading for all military service member, their families, loved ones, and friends, or any one who cares about our young and not so young warriors.

Far too often veterans live with the trauma of combat or near combat, seldom if ever speaking about their experiences. Many suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder without knowing it or why they seem to feel so much different after they get back home and away from the stresses and rigor of being in a war zone.
This is a very serious issue and I ask that you read this great article by Roman General.
If you know a veteran, his family, loved ones or friends please pass this on to them. There is help out there and we owe it to them for the sacrifices they made on our behalf.

Thank you.

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August 14th, 2008 by Roman General

The original paper that inspired the message and name of my blog:

12/2/2007

Returning Combat Veterans have a difficult time reintegrating back into society and family life. The scope of this paper explains these issues as they relate to the hindrance of Veterans from attaining a meaningful and productive life.

Returning Combat Veterans (RCV), have a difficult time reintegrating back into society and family life. They deal with a myriad of symptoms combining to hinder the RCV from coping in the civilian world, while having constructive relationships with their family and friends. The RCV struggles with these issues on a daily basis. The scope of this paper explains these concerns as they relate to the hindrance of the veteran from attaining a meaningful and productive life.

The symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) range from acute recurring of memories, nightmares and flashbacks, sleep problems, chronic fatigue, ego developmental disorder, defense mechanism dysfunction, dissociative states, memory repression and memory loss, identity diffusion, chronic depression and suicidal ideation. Substance abuse, addiction, survivor's guilt and somatoform disorders further encumber our soldiers in arms suffering from PTSD.

Combat trauma experiences can cause sleep disturbances in RCV who suffer from PTSD, for the purpose of this section we will concentrate on the psychological aspects of sleep deprivation and the side effects inherent with mental health problems (Caldwell et al, 2005). The avoidance response enables a deadening or numbing of feeling and aids in societal and expressive withdrawal, reducing participation with the external world. The intrusive responses include hyperarousal, irritability and an exaggerated startle reaction, acting out violently, nightmares, flashbacks, and hypersensitivity to stimuli in the environment (Silverstein 1994). “PTSD develops when traumatic events are unresolved and the person is unable to integrate the reality of the particular event and resulting repetitive replaying of the traumatic images, behaviors, feelings, physiological states, and interpersonal relationships” (Caldwell et al, p. 722).

The dreaming process of memory consolidation, when modified by the effects of PTSD and sleep disorders in patients affects Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep. An association lies between REM sleep and the processing of memory fragments and information into semantic memory. These processes aid in the contextual consolidation and formation of fluid memories, much like a computer arranges and stores information on its hard drive. A lack of sleep often disrupts this process and leads to memory fragmentation, memory loss or repression of memories. Studies showed that RCV had a higher rate of REM sleep than the control groups, indicating a higher dreaming scape for the RCV. The leading theory states that elevated levels of the neurotransmitter norepinephrine in PTSD patients while awake and asleep, creates a hyperarousal and hypervigiliant sleep state where traumatic dreams recur (Caldwell et al).

The fifth stage of Erikson's stages of psychological development deals with the identity verses role confusion crisis which normally happens in late adolescence and early adulthood. In this stage the person has formulated their constitution of personality, connecting the past with the present. Essential to the completion of this task is the successful formation of principles and moral judgment to make choices in areas such as profession and marriage. “[Erikson] observed a phenomenon which he described as an identity crises, suggesting that through the exigencies of war [the RCV] lost a sense of personal sameness and historical continuity. They were impaired in that central control over themselves for which in the psychoanalytic scheme, only the inner agency of the ego could be held responsible. Therefore, I spoke of a loss of ego identity.” (Silverstein, p. 71). Most of the young women and men inducted into the military have yet to crystallize their formation of a self-image; with the underdeveloped individual identity the effects have been tremendous on the undeveloped ego.

Being deprived of an identity ego formation the soldier has expectations to assimilate back into civilian life and form relationships, provide for their families, and generally assume a civilian personality while shedding their military persona; that which gives them a feeling of safety. Some RCV stay stuck in this military mode of identification, in which they have been taught to conform and repress distinctiveness, autonomy and experimentation; all common experiences in defining oneself and developing a healthy perspective. Silverstein (1994) goes on to quote Erikson, “To be able to truly surrender oneself in an intimate relationship, a certain level of self definition has had to have taken place during the stage of identity formulation. The fluidity of boundaries that occurs when relating intimately or sexually is threatening. The threat is the further loss of identity, which is tenuous to begin with. It is therefore an experience which is avoided by the individual who does not have a firm sense of identity.” A psychic numbing occurs that interrupts and interferes with connections with family, friends, community and a profession.

Silverstein (1994) emphasizes Erikson's diffusion of industry as a lack of organizing cognitive tasks, such as concentration, that would be necessary in maintaining an occupation. A fixation with simple activity or a 'spacing out' would hinder a veteran's ability to sustain gainful employment. “His preoccupation with traumatic experiences may have channeled his psychic energy in a way which precluded that which was necessary for career development” (Sliverstein, p. 74). Many RCV have had many sporadic jobs not lasting long in duration, repeating the pattern many years after their war experiences, and thus further reinforcing the undefined character.

Troubles devising a strong sense of identity often result in a development of a negative identity. Culture has an influence on the developing persona as societies norms are modeled after our parents and peers. At a time when adolescents have not completely formulated an ethical belief system conducive to successes within society, they have been subjected to the armed forces value structure. “In combat, strength and force can be the arbiter of justice and morality. The laws of guerrilla warfare pre-empt compliance with the social and legal niceties of the civilian world” (Silverstein, p. 75). Taken from the jungles or the desert to normal life, a survival response such as these endangers the RCV and exposes them to the legal system. Many times traumatized veterans become seditious and wind up on the wrong side of the law. RCV who have failed to effectively assimilate their wartime incidents become encumbered with guilt. RCV exist with the weight of survivor guilt and of their horrific conduct long after the events, hindering their pre-war values.

Impulse control becomes exaggerated from the demand that soldiers respond automatically, without hesitation which could cost them their lives otherwise. “This tendency to act impulsively is not solely a function of the condition of the combat experience. It is also arguably related, to lower levels of ego development, of which reduced impulse control is a concomitant” (Silverstein, p. 76). By using the lack of impulse control, the RVC may use this mechanism as an endeavor of atonement to ally their remorse. These imbalances leave the veteran unable to forgive themselves of their wartime activities with a crippling continuous cycle of insanity and self-torture.

Detachment and estrangement have been experienced by many RCV; many avoid others for fear of rejection. “The veterans have been trained to sense danger even before it occurs. In the face of danger, they have learned to sense and see danger even before it occurs. In the face of danger, they have learned to react quickly and to attack the danger in a way that shifts many of them into a paranoid-schizoid position of functioning” (Bradshaw et al, p. 472). A struggle arises in healing as the veterans move to a depressive position, as stated by Bradshaw et al, p. 472,“…they sense danger related to feelings of loss, guilt, vulnerability, sadness, remorse, compassion, empathy, and loneliness.” To regain control, Bradshaw further says, “…they shift to the less morally ambiguous paranoid-schizoid position. When they make this shift, they justify their feelings [and actions through this defense mechanism, giving them an]…adrenaline rush and [feelings of] no grief or depression.” When this high wears off, they feel even more depressed. This fragmented personality leads to a life of chasing oneself without knowing their relational boundaries between normal society and themselves.

 

References

Bradshaw, Samuel L., et al. (1993). Combat and personality change. Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic. 57 (4), 466-478.

Caldwell, Barbara A., & Redecker, N. (2005). Sleep and trauma: an overview. Mental Health and Nursing, 26, 721-738.

Silverstein, Rebecca. (1994). Chronic identity diffusion in traumatized combat veterans. Social Behavior and Personality, 22 (1), 69-80.

Posted in PTSD Perspectives.