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Monday, May 19, 2008

"Build Up to M-Day", Marine Corps Humor

For a little change of pace I'll post some things I learned at Camp Pendleton while undergoing the loving tutelage and training from my USMC buddies, aka, Uncle Sam's Misguided Children.

They taught us many useful things about various weapons including which end to point at the enemy and how to make our rifles go bang. We also learned Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape in a lovely little course commonly known as SERE training. For a country boy it was old home week with the exception of the Resistance and Escape aspects of the training, for these were done in a simulated POW compound and I certainly don't recall POW camps in farm country.

The following were rules we learned at various stages of our training at Pendleton.

Basic Laws of Combat

1. You are not superman.

2. Suppressive fires -- won't.

3. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

4. Don't look conspicuous -- it draws fire.

5. When in doubt, empty the magazine.

6. Never share a fighting hole with anyone braver than you are.

7. Never forget your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

8. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

9. No plan survives the first contact intact.

10. All five second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.

11. Try to look unimportant, because the bad guys may be low on ammo.

12. If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.

13. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.

14. The important things are always simple.

15. The simple things are always hard.

16. The easy way is always mined.

17. If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.

18. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

19. Incoming fire has the right-of-way.

20. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

21. If the enemy is in range, so are you.

22. Beer math: 37 men times 2 beers each equals 49 cases.

23. Body count math: 3 bad guys plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs = 37 enemy killed in action.

24. Friendly fire - isn't.

25. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.

26. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.

27. Anything you do can get you shot -- including doing nothing.

28. If you make it too tough for the enemy to get in you can't get out.

29. Tracers work BOTH ways.

30. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

31. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share to take.

32. When both sides are convinced they are about to lose, they're both right.

33. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.

34. Any significant military action will occur at the junction of two or more map sheets.

35. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

36. Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.

37. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

Six Phases of a Military Operation

1. Enthusiasm.

2. Disillusionment.

3. Panic.

4. Search for the guilty.

5. Punishment of the innocent.

6. Praise and honor for the non participant.

This dates to post Vietnam and reflects the cynicism of that era when career Marines were wearing T-shirts with "Second Place - SE Asia War Games"

USMC and USN Rules of Engagement


1. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.

2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.

3. Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.

4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough nor using cover correctly.

5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. [Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.]

6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.

7. Ten years from now, no one will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.

9. Accuracy is relative. [Most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.]

10. Use a weapon that works every time. [All skill is in vain when an angel pisses in the flintlock of your musket.]

11. Someday someone may kill you with your own weapon, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

12. Always cheat; always win. If you walk away, it was a fair fight. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

13. Always have a plan.
a.) Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.

14. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. The visible target should be in FRONT of your gun.

15. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

16. Don't drop your guard.

17. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.

18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. [In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them].

19. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.

20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.

21. Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

22. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

23. Your best option for personal security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.

USN (Blue Water Navy Only, Brown Water Navy is exempt from such abuse...lol.)

1. Adopt an aggressive offshore posture.

2. Drink coffee.

3. Send in the Marines, who are transported generally by the Brown Water Navy.

For those of you who have been in the military, in particular the Marine Corps and US Navy, this will be humorous. For all you civilian pukes ( I state that with all due respect of course) do your best and carry on.