Episode 2: The Amazing Adventures of Border Boy and Cyber Pastor

The Amazing Adventure

Additional abbreviations:
SS & L -- Sisters of Sweetness & Light
ETA -- Estimated Time of Arrival
RP -- Rally Point

EPISODE 2

In the mean time Madam Pelosky, [evil empress music] that evil empress also known as Black Moon...er..um...BM for short was raging around the WH security center screaming at her Agents of Chaos. "You get that worthless sob Agent Smoker on the radio right now or I will assign you to South Pole duty so fast your pointy little head will spin!" "Er, yes madam Pelosky," a young agent responded, "trying maam." Black Moon in all her plastic made up beauty with hands on her very ample hips said, "Well YOU damn well better get him and soon or I'll have your balls for dinner! His are already mine for breakfast!" A few minutes evolved and Stanger's group arrives in their specially equipped Black Ford F-250's...minus Stanger.

Prying1 walks up to BB and CP to fill them in. BB: "Where is Stanger?"

Prying1: "He said something about seeing TCT walking kinda wobbly legged down the street arm in arm with a bunch of ladies in pink dresses and decided he better go see what's up with that."

BB: "Did he say where exactly?"

Prying1, turning to BB: "Well he thought they might be headed for that big convention center down the street from the WH."

CP:" Ladies dressed in pink dresses. Were they all in pink dresses?"

Turning then to CP: "According to Stanger, everyone of them was dressed in pink. Short skirts and all."

CP: "Oh dear God. The Pink Ladies of DC have kidnapped TCT!"

BB: "Murphy!"

Prying1: "Huh?"

BB: "That's right. Murphy! You know Murphy from Murphy's Law?"

Prying1: "Oh THAT Murphy!"

CP "Oh criminy. We have got to rescue that poor boy before he's corrupted."

BB: "You got that right. But we can't just go strollin' in there like a bunch of horny old goats."

CP: " Yup. This a job for AnnieB and her Sisters of Sweetness & Light."

BB: "Yeah well we better get them on the "horn" and get 'em over here ASAP. Times a wastin'."

CP: "Roger that! Freedom Base.. actual 1. Over."

Freedom Base: "Copy actual 1."

CP: "Get the SS&L saddled up and moving to our rally point post haste."

Freedom Base: "Wilco. Sending now."

BB: " Base...actual. Make sure they dress like hookers."

Freedom Base: "Huh? Repeat. Over."

BB: "Yeah. You heard me. Do it now. ETA?"

Freedom Base: "Wilco. ETA 20 minutes. Out."

BB: " Damn. What a thing to happen. Now it's a waiting game."

CP: " We knew Mr. Murphy would show his ugly head at some point didn't we?"

BB: "Yeah, dangit. Murphy always rides along."

Prying1: "Orders sir?"

BB: "Take 10 buddy. We aren't movin' until Annie B and the SS&L shows up."

CP calls everybody together. "Let us pray.... Almighty and Eternal Father....."

BB: "Alright. Prying1 go see if Joy The Artist has the cloaking device warmed up. If so tell her to engage. We're in for a long night."

Prying1: "Roger that boss."

CP and BB rec'd a communication back from Freedom Village regarding the uplinked data from the WH.

Joi: "The Data decoded just fine, but these libs are so disorganized that it takes a while to figure out what any of this means. Have either of you two ever heard of e-worms?

CP: is that like some kind of virus?

Joi: sort of, except these are micro-rods that are about 18" in length and as thin as a piece of angel hair pasta. These "rods" look like glass, but contain heat-memory cells. The Libs bio harvested those glowing fish in the bottom of the marianas trench to use their bio luminesence.

Those hypocrites! And they say they care about the earth!!!

CP: yes but what evil could they be cooking up with these rods?

BB: hell if I know, we need to get ahold of one of them for analysis

Joi, any clues as to where these things are being manufactured?

Joi: apparently there are two R & D facilities. One in Vermont. But it relies on data from the main facility. From the looks of this intel they don't store e-worms on site. The other one is located at an abandoned military lab in southern California just outside of Los Angeles. Chances are there is a large underground facility. I'll get our resident expert [12iggymom?] to locate blueprints and maps of the facility. Dispatching a VTOL to your location for pick up as soon as CT is safe.

CP: uh - oh -- you mean..?

BB: Saddle up -- we're on our way to L.A.

CP: oy

Joi: Oy?

CP: sorry I was thinking what would [Daniel?] say.

BB: as soon as we find that Trucker we're on our way.

CP: Lord! We're coast to coast in this op.

BB: That's right CP. Just call us nation-wide. The go-anywhere-do-anything team of you call--we maul...er..somethin' like that. Here to handle all your basic bad-guy-fire-breathers and other nefarious creatures of the left wing brigades.

CP: now BB. Don't go getting cynical on me.

BB: what? Me cynical? Naaaah. Nevuh.

And that classic BB grin creases his face.

BB: Never a dull moment CP.

CP: Yeah but Im thinkin' how nice it would be to actually be bored for a change.

BB: Well...that's why we get paid the big bucks.

CP: Yeah right. No rest for the wicked and the righteous don't need any.

BB: Haha. Now who's being cynical? Hmmm?

CP: Oh just hush up ya big dummy.

Continued: The Amazing Adventures of Border Boy and Cyber Pastor

The beginning of the story is here. NJ and Dean are the authors of this spoof that we are featuring on our Friday Night Follies show on Do The Right Thing Radio.

The year is 2009 and our great country has been taken over by the radical Agents of Chaos. However, the evil empire is about to learn that a super secret organization known as Freedom Village is working behind the scenes to preserve truth, justice and the American Way of Life.

Border Boy and Cyber Pastor are supported by a highly trained squad of black operatives known as Stanger’s group. Stanger’s is one of several black ops groups used for any and all clandestine missions requiring stealth and mission precision. They operate independently but frequently assist our heroes when not elsewhere on the world stage.

BB and CP needed to get off the WH grounds and rendezvous with The Conservative Trucker who was to be parked in his big rig on the corner waiting to complete the extraction. CP frantically reaches for his offering plate before AGENT SMOKER is aware of their absence. CP has a newly improved offering plate which has anti-gravity hovering capabilities and for just the few seconds they needed, could lift the two of them over the fence.

Cyber Pastor shot the plate into the air while our duo gripped the cable that extended from it. The anti gravity technology is still very new, and they hoped it could not only lift them but carry them in the right direction to be over that fence before it failed.

Gripping the cable with one hand each, CP and BB felt their feet leave the ground way too slowly for BB’s nerves. As CP whispered a prayer, BB whispered something not so prayerful. [chuckle] The plate’s lift was only getting them up about 3 feet up and there it stayed….what the heck is going on BB gritted his teeth in total frustration… and then reached up with his other hand and yanked-hard….it seems a peace dove escaped from a cage that some hippie code pinker brought to the party; and the bird found the hovering offering plate a nice place to perch. Yanking on the cable did not budge the bird so BB pulled out his revolver and all CP heard was the sound of the silenced pistol. It was kind of cool though, seeing all those pink feathers go “poof”. The offering plate immediately regained lift and they were over the fence and on the ground. As CP recovered the offering plate, not wanting to leavetheir technology in enemy hands, they took off running for TCT’s truck..

In TCT's truck is the main uplink for the satellite along with various weapons such as plasma guns used to turn the Agents of Chaos into glowing heaps of dust, a high power EMP (Electro Magnetic Pulse) device which could be deployed from inside the trucks trailer and used to shut down electronic systems, dart guns used to incapacitate but not kill various players like innocent civilians, grenade launchers, rocket guns to blow big holes in things, and what has become known as the discombobulator gun or the DC "No Forensics" Gun.

That one shoots out a pulse of microwaves 10,000 times more poweful than a kitchen microwave. It literally fries anything in it's path and if it hits a human it turns them into little bubbly nuggets like fried chicken. Although rarely used, actual results are not well known so just about anything is possible. If shot at a helicopter for instance the helicopter completely disintigrates into molten pieces of metal and the bubbly chicken nuggets. Quite spectacular but very deadly.

CP and BB have the digital recording devices stored in the heels of their shoes with all the recently obtained data. The recording devices are very small. Not much bigger than a quarter. About the same size as a computer motherboard batteryand able to store massive amounts of data.

CP and BB had arrived at the truck. All that remained was Stanger's squad to launch the Diversion. "Where in the heck is that guy?, asked BB about TCT?

“Yeah, why would he just leave the truck” asked CP? “This doesn’t make sense.”

They jump in the cab only to find an illegal alien in the process of hot wiring the truck to steal it at that very moment. TCT is nowhere to be found.

BB looks at the Illegal and says "who the hell are you?"

The illegal says: [something in spanish] And who did you expect? Taco Bell?

CP says: Border Boy please don't kill him!

Several minutes later the illegal alien is dressed in BB's server outfit and is unconscious hanging by his collar from the fence just inside the white house grounds with a note that reads: "Dear Secret Service, You see what I did to that dove, wait and see what I do to the president."

Border Boy returns to the truck:

CP: Where the heck is TCT anyway?

BB: I have no idea but we need to get this rig moving RIGHT NOW.

CP: "You don't think Chaos has him do you?"

BB: "At this point I'm not sure what to think."

"He certainly wouldn't have let a bunch yahoos from Chaos sneak up on him. And I don't believe he would have gone down without a fight."

CP: "Yeah. Good point. We didn't see any evidence of a struggle."

BB turning to CP: "You think he just wandered off lookin' for a cup o' coffee or something ?"

CP: "Nah. Not TCT. He knows how important this mission is."

BB: "Well when Stanger and his guys show up we better go look for him. We ain't leavin' nobody behind."

CP: "Amen to that BB. But where could he have gone?"

TCT has been kidnapped by a large group of women calling themselves the Pink Ladies. These females are headed to a convention for hookers and just happened upon TCT standing outside his rig stretching his legs. They injected him with some kind of drug while standing there talking to the ladies, most likely Love Potion No.12LUV. Skantily clad, TCT was completely mesmerized by them as any man would be, making it easy to get close enough to give him the dope.

The Pink Ladies, laughing and twittering like a bunch of school girls, hustled ol' TCT off for a night of unknown events in the nearby convention center. Lucky guy....or perhaps not.

CP and BB are gonna be pissed.

Meanwhile the alarms had not yet gone off on the WH grounds.

Things were quiet but that was about to change when Agent Smoker discovered the two servers were no longer outside...they could not be found anywhere. More guests were arriving and AS needed his servers.

Stanger, standing in the shadows about a block away was ready with his squad of operators to begin the diversionary strike. That, set to begin when the WH alarm system went active.

CP and BB get the rig going and set off to the GPS coordinated rally point. That is the point where all operators would get aboard and the operation would then proceed to the extraction point not far away for pick up by helicopter.

As they began driving all hell broke loose on the WH grounds when the illegal was found hanging on the fence, still quite unconscious.

When BB puts somebody to sleep they stay that way for a very long time...haha.

Agent Smoker is going nuts screamimg, "This isn't who I'm looking for dammit!" The agents of Chaos were in disarray at the moment with all the big shots arriving, stretch limo's pulling in and out, high brow ladies in all their finery strutting like over ripe peacocks up the steps to the WH grand ball room and everybody smiling for the hundreds of cameras lighting up the night with flash bulbs.

At that moment Stanger begins 'Operation Diversion'. Shooting pulses of EMP at those expensive limo's as they drove out causing them to stop dead in the road. Major traffic jams ensued causing more confusion and chaos. Grenade launchers lobbing large explosives filled with noxious gas that smelled of burned chicken feathers and shooting multi-colored sparklers off in every direction on the WH lawn.

Many of the party goers just thought it was part of the welcoming until the odor got to their nostrils.

"Oh look Martha, rainbow sparklers. How wonderful" one guest exclaimed. "Yes Harold. Very thoughtful indeed but that odor is just disgusting. Peee-uw," Martha said.

Little did they know that the noxious gas was actually a concentrated form of nitrous oxide, laughing gas, that some speculated came from earthworm flatulance. The actual harvesting and processing of this gas was a very well kept secret.

Agent Smoker was a nanosecond from having major conniptions by this time. All he could do was run around in circles muttering something about 2 lost servers, a Mexican assassin and a dead peace dove. Poor Agent Smoker, in the midst of the havoc which was flawlessly executed by Stanger's group, he just kept saying: "Black Moon is going to have my balls for breakfast."

END FIRST EPISODE

In the next episode.....

1 WHAT INTEL DID CP AND BB FIND IN THE WH?

2 WHERE IS TCT?

3 WHO THE HECK THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO GIVE STANGER AN ARSENAL?

4 WHO IS THE MYSTERIOUS BLACK MOON?

The Amazing Adventures of Border Boy and CyberPastor

The Amazing Adventures of Border Boy and Cyber Pastor

"rules to the audience" 1. No killing our superheroes, 2. No ideas will be used that puts the heroes out of character (i.e. putting CP in a strip joint....although...undercover not a bad story idea --- ok no I don't want him to lose his job). The killing of any character is strictly the perogative of the executive editors, Dean and NJ.

Names abbreviated:

BB -- Border Boy

CP -- Cyber Pastor

TCT -- The Conservative Trucker, aka CT or Conservative Trucker

JTA -- Joi The Artist

AB -- AnnieB

DR -- Desert Rose

WP -- Wild Phil

Note: The Pink Ladies of DC are a group of high class call girls, likely unionized. Not you garden variety street walkers and not to be confused with the Code Pinko skags.

EPISODE 1

Beginning:

Our story opens in the White House at one of the huge Obama parties. Stars glitz and glamour everywhere, as the evening wears on the Secret Service is clearly hard at work keeping an eye on the myriad of libtard guests.

Servers are scurrying around waiting on the elitist guests hand and foot. There are 2 servers who seem a bit awkward though. ….

Yes, you guessed it, Those 2 American patriots, Cyber Pastor and Border Boy (super hero music) working hard filling champagne glasses and serving expensive oer d’ovres. But of course, They are part of a mission, like the many other missions they have executed, only this time the white house is not their friend.

Border Boy, clearly uncomfortable waiting on the Obama Obnoxious Elite; makes his way over to CP and mutters “So help me if Beyonce orders me to fetch her one more thing I’m going to Beyonce her right off that wall. CP says, "geesh don’t blow your cover now BB, we’ve gathered the intel we came for." Getting into Rohm Emmanuel’s computer was so much easier than they’d expected. Problem is they can't uplink to the satellite until they are outside the WH grounds. The two must escape the confines of the White House to be able to send the digital information.

Outside there are patriots standing by in the dark recesses to provide diversions and render assistance but the two operatives must get out of the building and off the grounds at all costs.

Border Boy: "Come on CP we have to get the hell out of here now!"

CP: "Right. You lead the way. We have everything we need. Let's go!"

As servers they are pushing carts with trays of food and other goodies walking casually so as not to make themselves conspicuous. It will get testy when they arrive at the WH kitchen to make their way out the back door. Besides the cooks and assistants, there are agents inside watching every move . Outside in the walkway are two Secret Service agents watching for anything that might be unusual or threatening.

Can they make it past the guards?

Still in the kitchen Border Boy says: "We could say we need a smoke break. Afterall there is no smoking inside the WH and we would have to go out the back to do it right?"

CP: "Clever. You have cigarettes?"

Border Boy: "Uh. Nope."

CP: "Well, let's ask one of the guards. You know. Bum a smoke and a light?"

Border Boy: "Yeah but we better pray one of them smokes....hehe." Border boy looks at CP and gives that classic grin and chuckle only he can deliver.

"This could get real intersting real quick."

CP: "Dadgumit Border Boy! This ain't no time for jokin' around."

Border Boy: "Alright. Let's do this thing."

CP mutters a prayer: "Oh dear God help us."

Border Boy: "Dittos. Well here goes."

Border Boy has spotted one of the guards standing near the back door of the white house kitchen. An expert and highly trained at reading body language, Border Boy thinks this one may indeed be the smoker they're looking for.

CP: "You be careful now."

Once again that classic Border Boy grin creases his face.

CP immediately begins praying. "Please Father...."

Slowly but resolutely Border Boy approaches the guard.

Border Boy: "Excuse me sir."

Agent Smoker: "Yeah? What is it?"

Border Boy: "Um, well my friend over there (pointing at CP who is fervently involved in praying) and I wanted to know if we can go outside for a smoke break."

Agent Smoker: "Sure. Why not?"

Border Boy: "Um, well you see both of us left our smokes at home and we wondered if we could get a couple off of you?"

Agent Smoker: " A couple of moochers eh?"

Border Boy: Grinning at the agent he says, "Nah. We'd be more than happy to pay you for them."

Agent Smoker: "Oh for cryin' out loud. Here!" Agent Smoker hands two cigarettes to Border Boy saying,"Go shorten your lives but be quick about it. We have more guests arriving soon."

Border Boy: Looks at CP and gives him a nod motioning to come on.

CP makes his way to the door and along with Border Boy starts to open the door when,

Agent Smoker: "Hold up there you two."

The agent begins walking toward them. CP and Border Boy look at one another quizically.

Agent Smoker: "You two numbnuts have a light for those smokes?"

With more than a little relief, Border Boy says: " Geez, you know what? We don't. Can you help us out there?"

Agent Smoker: "Jesus H. I s'pose you'll be wanting a kick in the chest to start them next."

CP cringes at the profanity

"Er...um. Sir would you mind not using that name?"

Agent Smoker: "What? You mean Jesus H.?"

"What are you some kind of religious nut?"

Border Boy: Elbows CP in the ribs and says; "Come on. It's ok. No problem sir."

CP: Stands there looking at the agent deciding on whether or not to say anything else and says, "Hey, no problem sir. No offense."

Agent Smoker: "Alright then. You two hurry the hell up. I’ve got other things to do tonight other than babysit the two of you.

CP: mutters to himself, "Yeah. Ain't that the truth."

Agent Smoker: "Huh? You say something?"

CP: "No sir."

Agent Smoker: "Alright hurry it up then."

Once again Border Boy and CP go to the door, opening it and step outside closing the door behind them.

The two agents guarding the walkway have moved further up and begin walking away from the area.

Border Boy: "Quick. Now's our chance. Let's haul ass."

CP: "Right behind you."

To be continued......